somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Randomize
