mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
