He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
