Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
