you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
