What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
