so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
