Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
