Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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