Three words: puerto rican gang bang
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
