Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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