She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
