What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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