He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
