i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
