why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
