I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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