You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
