I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
