he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
