Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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