somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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