Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
