I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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