Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
