It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
