So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
