just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
