I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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