Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
