how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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