The maid of honor just puked.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
