dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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