I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
