Tell her she can't have a vagina
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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