I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
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