I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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