I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
