I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
