What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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