Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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