I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
