This is not my ceiling
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
