You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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