I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
