We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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