I wannas sexs uuuuu
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
