I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
