I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
