i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
