Can i not drive my cunt home
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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