Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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