I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize