I accidentally had phone sex last night
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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