imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
