Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
