Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
