Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
