I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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