Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
