i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
