fuck your aforementioned shoe
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
