i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
false alarm, still single
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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