When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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