Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
