Will you blow on my dice?
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
