dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
