I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
