so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
