Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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