I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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