I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
