when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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