I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
