Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
