you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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