fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
