I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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