Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
